How I robbed Tra with her innocence

Meet Tra, a 9-year-old resident of Poum Steung village. One of 12 household members including 3 older brothers, 2 younger brothers and 2 older sisters. Her closest older brother Kunnreen(12) is always beside her to look after. She's smart, curious, sits in the front row of her classroom and always be attentive. Her best friend is a girl from the next door Hanravi(14), who took these pictures above. At the time of my visits to Poum Steung, she belongs to morning school in one of the older children's classroom.


When I proposed to Thai about "Poum Steung Dream Project" there was one thing I wanted to ask for besides of chilren's participation to the project. As you often see in video documentaries about any particular society, you are introduced to one or few characters, individuals to identify with, so that you are able to perceive the society in subject from that character's point of view. This is very common technique as documentary making, and I believe any of you understand it's more effective that way than following mass crowd of children as a group.
I asked Thai, that I would like to stay day and night over at one particular house in the village to document their actual life, hopefully with one of the students who were already used to me and my camera by that time.
From my very first visit in January, Tra was very fond of me, as you all may be able to find her big smile in many previous postings. She was unafraid of camera and followed me everywhere. The day I gave her a photo I took of her a week before, she was so excited that she ran after us shouting 'Bye Bye!' as our pick-up truck blew dust onto her face, until she eventually disappeared in the dust illuminated by golden sunset. So, I said to Thai, showing a picture of her "This girl is very fond of me and unguarded." amongs a few other candidated children I told Thai that she was my ideal choice to be the primary subject of video documentary, to stay with day and night with her family.

I did my best to make sure they understood the purpose of me staying with and videotaping them. I asked Thai in so many words (English words unfortunately, with Sophat's patient translation) to make sure the whole family member, village leaders, and neighbours would know that I would be there to capture the real life of Poum Steung villagers, and that they should not bring a feast and a party because of me, that rather, they should ignore me and my camera.
As for Tra, we have conversation about it on Feb. 27th, the first day i arrive. are you nervous? will you be able to act normal when i'm pointing the camera to you? She says No I'm not nervous and I can act normal. ---thinking back now of course she wouldn't have said otherwise. after all I'm a rich foreigner with which in their mind they automatically equates quick wealth, financial and materialistic supports.
To reduce her fear to the camera I lend her my camera and have her take some pictures. Above are the pictures Tra took of me and her best friend Hanravi.

The change was quick, and unexpected. The moment I 'singled her out' and put her in the spotlight, her behaviour started to seem very self-conscious. This is natural. I expected it and still kept joking around with her so that she'd relax and get used to it. The worst comes when other villagers and other students, and older youngsters back from Puok high school discover that Tra is being a primary subject of foreign documentary. Everywhere I follow her, they follow us, and everytime I try to have a conversation with her, ask her question, or just simply make friends with her, it is those others who, with giggles and loud jokes, push her shoulders left and right, telling her to say this, answer that, act this way, smile more... This must have put her in a traumatic psychological pressure, without even knowing consciously, quickly within the first half day, she starts to avoid me and my camera. Turning her back to me and hiding behind someone else or a column of the house.
i put down my camera as soon as i see this happen. getting a good material for the documentary is now a secondary concern. i need to protect her from these psychological attack caused by my lenses. This is not a new story for me. having been in photo/cinema profession so many times i have come to yet another realization that lenses are as much of the weapons as guns and knives -often even more powerful. Lenses can capture selective reality, distort and filter the reality, and propagate and manipulate certain ideas or provoke certain emotions. And even in a remote village like Poum Steung, people seem to have watched enough TV to subconsciously know this power of lenses.

Quite upset with the other villager's inconsideration (it is hard to imagine that in this country woman and children are paid any consideration at all regarding their psychological stress and emotional dispair) and frustrated with my cursed nature of profession, on Feb. 28th, my second day of the stay in the village I bring Tra, her brother Kunnreen, her parents and Sophat to a quiet place by the river bank, telling the villagers not to follow. There i appologize to her and plea for her getting past it. i will not single you out with my camera any more.(making sure that this is not going to cause her to feel that she failed to please me) so please don't be afraid of me...
Above on the left, is her smile on the very first day i visited Poum Steung in January. then on the right is her after I followed her everywhere on her participation of 'Dream Project' Do you see the difference? I do.